The Fifth Marauder

unfortunately for me my reproductive system is just great and i don't have hormonal imbalance that's why i get one of these every month. i hate myself when i am PMS-ing. or whenever the period days finally come.

well i know i am going to regret later on whatever thing i am going to write in here, because i have the tendency to be a wee bit melodramatic when i am upset. hey i am a girl. it comes with our genetic make up.

well gotta go stuff my face with chocolate now. it does not even matter that i am on a diet. hahaha.

depending on a person's point of view, it is the one club that most people don't want to be a member of, especially during valentine's day. but that is not what i wanted to write about. last night, i joined a christian life program seminar put together by the singles for christ. my cousins, who have been a part of the " for christ community for a long time now have been coaxing me to join for as long as they have been members of the said group. i kept on declining their offer because first of all, i don't think i really need it. in my opinion i have a healthy relationship with god. sure shit happens in my life, but i never blamed him for it. and secondly, i do not need to meet new people because i have lots of friends, thank you very much. and lastly, i just do not have enough time to take on another extra-curricular activity, coz i have a mountain of schoolwork as it is. well 2004 was a bad year. i went from being totally busy to having lots of freetime in my disposal. so i finally said yes to them, not that my relationship with the lord is strained or anything, but since i didn't have anything better to do on that saturday night. besides, i think i need new friends because some of mine have been very busy with their own thing lately and since we do not go to the same school hang out with the same people, i feel kinda out of place when i am with them. not that it's their fault, things just happened. we are not on bad terms or anything. it turns out that those cousins of mine belong to a completely different "chapter" so when i got to where the seminar is taking place, i didn't know anybody. it was a good thing i brought my book and my mp3 player. but before i could disappear into my own world, a girl sat beside me and made small talk. she was so perky. and nice. and sweet. it seemed to me that butter wouldn't even melt in her mouth. she was easy to talk to, and since i am a good conversationalist myself (even with stangers), we found things to talk about. however it was kinda hard for me because i had to choose my words carefully. i can't even make myself say "gago" for fear that it'll make her uncomfortable or something like that. and believe me, it was hard because i have a knack for saying profanities in every other sentence. but it turns out that she was one of the organizers, so she had to go, and it is her job to get to know everyone in the group. i was left alone again when she attended to her organizing duties, and that was when i desperately thought of ways to escape through the only way out of the hall (which incidentally was the entrance as well) without being seen by the people at the sign up table. apart from the chatting with your seatmate part, there was a talk. it was a seminar after all. i have to admit i was a little bored. but since reading and listening to musice would seem like a rude thing to do, i tried to listen. and i'm glad i did. it was just that i was feeling crappy lately coz of the bad things that happened in 2004, and the talk really inspired me. it spoke of god's love, that nothing is really ever god's fault. he gave us all sorts of warnings and signs, but we chose to ignore them because we are too stubborn. then there was the hard part. we broke in to smaller groups, and talked about the topic for that night. it was hard for me because i have never met any of the people in my group, and i wouldn't even tell some of my closest friends what is going on in my head at the moment, and they expected me to share those with these strangers? so what i told them was just the tip of the iceberg, and some euphemisms about what i am going through right now. i was surprised however with my groupmates. i was a bit amazed at them for feeling secure enough to share some of their problems with strangers. surprisingly though, i went to bed that night with a peaceful mind, and i was wondering why i didn't consider joining the community earlier.

i found out right this very moment that a high school batchmate got hitched barely a month ago. no she didn't tell me, we didn't really travel in the same clique anyway, i found out about it from another batchmate's blog.

i have to admit i was surprised. pleasantly actually.  i dunno, we weren't that close, although we would greet each other whenever we would run into each other in college. i mean we live in a world where people who plunge into the sacrament of marriage in their early 20s were the ones who had an unexpected pregnancy.  or the ones who got caught up in the throes of teenage love, decided to elope, and when the young couple realized after their money (and patience with each other) eventually ran out, they went back to their respective parents, although the said parents were born in the dark ages, and forced the youngsters to marry each other  coz apparently they had already "slept together".

 now back to the batchmate, i am really happy for her. after i read the blog entry, i of course logged in to my friendster account and searched for her profile. well it was a little disappointing coz she didn't upload pics from her wedding, just really cute pics of her and her hottie husband. and after looking at her pics, for some reason, i sighed out loud. they were so cute together! i was also thinking about how these 2 people cuddling in the picture were probably one of the happiest beings here on earth, and i was imagining (not in the erotic sense. eww) what those two were doing on their honeymoon right now. watching the sunset by the shoreline of a beach, or from a balcony of a hotel in some european country where people have weird accents and only a handful can speak english.

most people would actually think what they're doing is suicide coz they only met last november 2003 i think, and then just got married more than just a year after.  

 i have to admit that sometimes i may be cynical or bitter about the L word coz i dunno, maybe it's just one of those things that i couldn't just purchase from the mall or grocery. i haven't experienced it, or maybe if i did, then the tales i lived to tell about it were not that great. in fact, they were those stories that kept on replaying on one's mind no matter how many times you tried to forget about it.

 cynical or not, i am still a girly girl and grew up reading and watching fairy tales (damn walt disney), and probably on a good day, would dream about getting married every once in a while. well my reason for dreaming about this is that i wanted to feel, even for an hour at least that i am the best-dressed and most beautiful girl in the room. oh and who doesn't love big wedding cakes, with lots and lots of white icing?

there's only one word for this... it's bliss